More Human Than Human

Last week Mrs. Lantern called me at work and said she was at the store and wanted to know if I wanted her to pick up some beer for the weekend. Of course my answer was "Yes". So after work yesterday I decide to fill up the Goldfish cooler and asked her where the beers are. She tells me they're in the basement. I run downstairs like a kid at Christmas and find.....this.

I wasn't amused. I can drink Bud Light (unfortunately I usually drink about thirty of them) so that wasn't the problem. The problem was the bottles. They're large and phallic shaped and it was a little unnerving. In fact I've seen several "toys" at a certain place in Milton shaped exactly like this. Let me just put it out there and say I'm not the kind of guy who thinks it's okay to drink a few beers and make out with whatever male is closest to me. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with guys who choose to do that, but it's just not me. Hey, this is America, do what you want.

So I'm looking at these bottles filled with beer and I'm feeling a little like Longshot would be. I'm angry, and confused, and my natural instinct tell me that striking out will make me feel better. Nothing wrong with that right?

But after I imbibed a few of these strange-looking beers, I have to say I was smitten. These beers weren't your usual 12oz, but were in fact 16oz! So I'll end this by letting Prince Namor's reactions speak for me regarding these queer-looking beers. I guess you can't judge a beer by it's bottle.